You Know You are Pregnant When...

You know you are pregnant when... no one can find a spare pillow in the house because they are all tucked between your legs and under your arms.

You know you are pregnant when... you engage in a high speed car chase because "that asshole just cut you off".

You know you are pregnant when... you leave work to make a bank deposit and come back with the deposit receipt...and an ice cream sundae.

You know you are pregnant when... your breasts now need their own zip code.

You know you are pregnant when... everyone gets your voicemail when they call because you don't have the strength or motivation to get up from the couch to find the phone and answer it.

You know you are pregnant when... shopping no longer interests you because nothing fits over your muffin top anyway and too many accessories increase your risk of varicose veins.

You know you are pregnant when... you look like a hairless monkey from the waist up, but everything below the belly button resembles Chewbacca.

You know you are pregnant when... peeing feels better than sex.

You know you are pregnant when... you grunt like a pig every time you get up out of your chair.